from "APPROACHES TO THE KHMER MENTALITY"
by François PONCHAUD, 1996
The Khmer people belong to a race of brave warriors who ruled South-East Asia for many centuries. After the brilliant Angkor period (tenth-thirteenth centuries), Cambodia fell into decline and the country's markets were looted by the invading Thai and Vietnamese from South China. In the 19th century, it was annexed outright by the Vietnamese. But whereas the Thai to some extent assimilated the cultures of the territories they invaded, the Vietnamese destroyed all before them, wiping out the conquered populations.
The Cambodian is inhibited vis-à-vis his foreign conquerors: Vietnamese, Thai., and then the French. Whiteness being the canon of Asian beauty, his brown complexion gives him a feeling of inferiority. The Chinese and Vietnamese, conscious of their worth, have no hesitation in making plain their contempt for those they nickname the "Moi" (mountain dwellers, barbarians).
This explains the lingering animosity between Khmer and the Vietnamese: it has its roots deep in the collective subconsciousness, formed by history. Any attempt to get the two races to live together is laudable in the abstract, but unrealistic.
The Khmers are frequently heard resignedly acknowledging the defects of their people: "We Khmer are like that", "We do not know how to organize ourselves", "I do not want my daughter to marry a Khmer", "The Vietnamese and the Chinese know how to shift for themselves, we do not", etc. Together with this disillusioned resignation, moreover, there is a feeling of fierce national pride rooted in a glorious past.
These conflicting sentiments, which have been suppressed for so long, may explode with unforeseen violence if sparked off by a serious affront or a f1agrant injustice. The entire Khmer group will then feel involved and united against the offender.
The history of the Khmer people since the fourteenth century has been marked by a succession of misfortunes. It is this, perhaps, that explains a certain note of melancholy in Khmer literature and popular songs (very often, if not always, in the minor key). The laughter and gaiety of the Khmers, their eagerness to enjoy life, may be merely compensation for an underlying sadness.
One constant factor in the personality of all Asians is that of "face"- the image a person wishes to project of himself, which institutes a kind of relationship in society. Of an important man it will be said: "He has a countenance, a face"(Mean Muk mean moat). "Face" has nothing to do with the hypocrisy of someone wishing to appear what he is not, but constitutes the essence of personality, the dignity of the person.
A Khmer will save his "FACE" or conceal his private thoughts behind an enigmatic smile, a smile that does not necessarily reflect inner joy, but is the bulwark behind which he can take refuge, can hide his feelings or his inner emptiness. It is at once a means of self-defence and an expression of respect for others. The death of a loved one is announced with a smile, not because the person announcing the news feels no sorrow, but so that he can dissimulate his private thoughts and avoid embarrassing others.
Any attempt to undermine a person's "face" is regarded as a serious injury: reproaching someone, even justifiably, in public or insulting someone in public causes that person to "lose face", or "kills" him, as the Khmer language puts it. For words "kill" just as much as weapons. Indeed, Prince Sihanouk embarked on a war that was disastrous for himself and for his people in order to save his honour, which had been sullied. A Khmer is capable of ruining himself and losing those he loves in order to destroy someone who has "killed" him socially.
Of someone who despises others it will be said: "He looks too readily"(meul ngiei) or "He looks disrespectfully"(meul thaok). Khmer politeness requires that a person should respect the face of another, that he should be lower than the eyes of anyone whom he respects; Khmer stoop when passing in front of persons who are seated, for it is not permitted to "look down at theother person", or to "walk above him"(dae ksae leu).
Pointing at a person or staring at him causes that person to lose face and wipes out his existence just as much as if he had been transfixed with a sword. To call someone, even a friend, by his name ("So-and-so, come here"), is to treat him like dirt or like "a dog", in the vernacular. In public, at least, a person's title must be mentioned, "Mr", "Mrs. so-and-so".
To avoid losing face and "being shamed in front of others", a Khmer, unlike a Vietnamese or a Chinese man, will ask a question only if he is practically certain that it will be answered in the affirmative. He dare not speak French or English, even if he knows a few words, for fear of disgracing himself or annoying the Frenchman or Englishman. Even if he knows something, though imperfectly, he will say that he does not know. A Vietnamese or a Chinese man in a similar situation will say that he knows.
Still in the context of respect for "face", the rule of conduct in society will be "do not behave differently from others" (khos pi ke), do not push yourself forward, do not take the initiative, for fear of finding yourself alone, of disgracing yourself in front of others, being derided for possible failure, judged. Thus the individual becomes isolated in his private thoughts. Decisions are taken by consensus or in accordance with the views of anyone who has dared to expose his views in public, of anyone who is a good speaker. Even if the members of a meeting privately express their disagreement with a particular decision it is rare that many people will risk making such a person lose face, or losing their own by expressing a different view. Before speaking, moreover, it is as well to know the views of one's opposite member; for truth is not what ³corresponds with reality", as we in the West would define it, but above all agreement with the relationship between the speakers, what is acceptable to the persons present.
In general, it maybe said that a Khmer is afraid of others. He often begins his letters or sentences by apologizing, craving pardon for speaking or writing, as if by expressing himself he risked causing offence. He is careful to avoid hurting people and will miss an important appointment because he dare not interrupt a conversation with a person to whom he owes respect.
When greeting strangers, or heads of families whom he surrounds with a halo, he stoops and bows his head. The expression for "respecting" someone important is "praising and fearing" (kaot klach), the word "fearing" doubtless being more important than "praising".
His heart beats fast when he has to ask something or address someone in French. He is pleasantly surprised when a Frenchman whom he does not know shows him the way and helps him: he is afraid of annoying them or disgracing himself. The Khmer are very timid.
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"Each of us is willed - each of us is loved - each of us is necessary." - Benedict XVI
